My friend who had said I should have been more humble still thought that if I had apologized for my tone when I went to their house, maybe they would have helped. I did not know anymore. I really didn’t.
Update two. Hello again. It has been about two weeks since my last update, and things have not gotten better. They have gotten worse. After Rob called and said they wanted no contact, I tried to focus on work and Alex. I was upset, but I thought at least now I knew where I stood. No more false hope.
Then last week, I got a call from Alex’s disability support coordinator. Her name is Social Worker. She helps us manage the few government services Alex gets. She sounded serious on the phone. She said she needed to schedule a home visit because they had received an anonymous report expressing concerns about Alex’s well-being and care.
My stomach dropped. I asked what kind of concerns. She said the report claimed Alex was often left alone for long periods, that he was not getting proper nutrition, and that his living environment was neglectful. I was horrified. I asked if she believed any of it. She said it was policy to follow up on all reports, but she also said that in her previous interactions with me and Alex, she had not had those concerns. Still, she had to come do an official assessment. The visit was scheduled for two days later.
I was a wreck. I cleaned the apartment even though it was already clean. I made sure we had good food in the fridge. I was terrified they would find some reason to say I was not a good caregiver. Alex could tell I was stressed. He kept asking, in his way, if I was okay. I told him everything was fine, but he knew better.
When the social worker came, she was professional. She looked around the apartment. She talked to Alex alone for a bit, with me just out of earshot but still in the same room. She checked his medication, his food supplies, and his wheelchair. She asked about my work schedule and how Alex managed when I wasn’t there. I explained about the support worker who comes and how my friend sometimes checks in on him. I showed her my work schedule. I told her I was doing my best and that Alex was my priority, even though it was hard.
After about two hours, she said she did not see any signs of neglect. She said the apartment was suitable for Alex’s needs, that he seemed well cared for, and that she understood I was in a difficult situation doing it all alone. She said the report seemed to be unfounded. She did say that ideally Alex would have more social interaction and more support hours, but she knew that was a funding issue. She promised to see whether there were any other small services we might qualify for. She told me she would file her report stating there were no immediate concerns. I was so relieved I nearly cried.
After she left, I sat down and thought about who would make a report like that. There was only one answer: Carol and Rob. Who else would know enough details to make claims like that, even twisted ones? Who else would be so cruel? They knew I left him alone when I worked because I had to. They knew I struggled with money. Even the nutrition claim felt like a low blow. I did not have proof, but I was sure it was them.
It felt like such a betrayal to try to get Alex taken away from me or to get me in trouble with social services just because they were angry with me. It is one thing to refuse to help. It is another thing to actively try to harm us. A few days after the social worker’s visit, I was talking to an old neighbor of my parents. She still lives on their old street. She is elderly, but very sharp, and she sometimes calls to check in on us.
I told her vaguely that I was having some issues with some people. Then she asked me if it was Carol and Rob. She said she had seen Carol at the shops the other day, and Carol had not looked happy to see her. She had said some rather unpleasant things about me.
“What did she say?”
“Oh, just that you were being very demanding and that you were not coping well since your parents passed. She said you were blaming everyone else for your problems and making Alex’s situation sound worse than it was to get sympathy and money. She even said she was worried about Alex being with you. It was quite nasty. I told her I did not believe a word of it. You were a good girl doing your best.”
So now they were not just reporting me to officials. They were spreading rumors and bad-mouthing me to people who had known my parents, people I had known my whole life. I was so angry I wanted to call them and scream. But I kept thinking about what Rob had said, about me burning bridges and making things difficult. If I called them angry, they would just use it as more proof that I was unstable or aggressive.
So I did not call. Instead, I wrote everything down: what happened at their house, the scene Carol made at my work, Rob’s phone call, the report to Alex’s support coordinator, and what the neighbor told me. I wrote down dates and times as best I could remember them. My friend said it was good to have a record if they kept escalating. I also called Alex’s support coordinator back. I thanked her for being professional, and then I told her I suspected Alex’s godparents, Carol and Rob, were behind the anonymous report because of a recent falling-out after I asked them for help and they had refused and become hostile. I also told her about Carol at my workplace and the rumors.
She listened patiently. She said she could not confirm who had made the report because of confidentiality, but she noted my concerns. She said if any more reports came in, that context would be useful. I feel like I am constantly looking over my shoulder now, wondering what they will do next. It is a terrible way to live. I am trying to find a new job, a better one, but it is hard with my schedule and with needing to be there for Alex.
The stress is making me tired all the time. Alex notices. He tries to cheer me up, but it is hard to pretend everything is okay. This is not the life I wanted for him or for me.
Update three. It has been three weeks since my last update, and the situation with Carol and Rob has gotten even worse. I did not think that was possible, but it has. After I found out they were spreading rumors and likely made the false report to Alex’s disability services, I decided to try to create some distance. I focused on work and Alex, and I started documenting everything.
Like I said, about two weeks ago I was at home with Alex on a Sunday afternoon. It was my day off from the grocery store, and I did not have any office cleaning scheduled. We were watching a movie when someone started banging on our apartment door. Not knocking. Banging hard.
Alex got scared. He does not like loud noises. I went to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Carol, with Rob standing a little behind her. My heart sank. I did not want to open the door, but the banging kept going. Other people in our apartment building started opening their doors to see what the noise was. I was so embarrassed that I felt I had no choice. Otherwise she might have caused even more of a scene, or somebody might have called the police thinking something worse was happening.
I opened the door a little, keeping the chain on.
“Carol, what do you want? You can’t come here shouting like this.”
She looked furious, her face red. She tried to push the door wider, but the chain held.
“Let us in. We need to see Alex. We are his godparents. We have a right to see him.”
Rob stepped forward.
“Carol, calm down.”
But he did not look calm either. He looked angry too.
“We just want to make sure he is okay. After that report, we were worried.”
I could not believe he had said that.
“After what report, Rob? The one you made?”
Carol shouted back immediately.
“We did not make any report. How dare you accuse us? We are good people. We care about Alex, unlike you, who is clearly struggling to cope.”
Some of my neighbors were watching. I felt completely exposed.
“You need to leave. You are upsetting Alex. He can hear you shouting.”
Alex had wheeled himself closer to the door behind me. He looked terrified. He was trying to say something, but his words were jumbled because he was so upset. Carol saw him, and her voice changed. It became sickly sweet.
“Oh, Alex. Sweetie, are you okay? Your sister is being very difficult. We just want to see you.”
Alex shook his head. He was scared of her.
“Carol, stop it. You are scaring him. You both need to go now, or I will call the police.”
That made Carol even angrier.
“You ungrateful brat. We try to be concerned, and this is what we get. Your parents would be disgusted with you. They would want us to be involved with Alex.”
Then she lunged at the door and tried to force it. The chain strained. I pushed back hard. Rob pulled her back a little and said they were making things worse, but Carol was out of control. She was crying and shouting now.
“She’s keeping him from us. She’s poisoning him against us. He needs us.”
It was a full-blown meltdown. She was sobbing and yelling at the same time. I managed to slam the door shut and lock it. Alex was crying. I went to him and tried to comfort him, but I was shaking too.
Carol kept banging on the door for a few more minutes and shouting things. Then Rob must have pulled her away, because the noise moved down the hallway and finally stopped. A few minutes later, one of my neighbors, a kind older man, knocked gently on the door. I opened it, still shaking. He asked if we were all right and whether I wanted him to call the police. I thanked him and said I thought they had gone, but if they came back, I would. He said he and his wife would keep an eye out. Alex was distressed for the rest of the day and had a hard time sleeping that night.
I was furious and scared. This was not just rumors anymore. This was harassment at my home. The next morning, I went to the police station and told them what had happened. I told them about the history, the false report I suspected they had made, the scene at my work, the rumors, and now this. I showed them the notes I had been keeping.
The officer was sympathetic. He said they could issue a formal warning to Carol and Rob for harassment if I wanted. He also suggested I could apply for a restraining order if their behavior continued or got worse. He said Carol trying to force the door was serious. I asked him to issue the warning, and I gave him their address. I do not know if the police have contacted them yet. I hope it makes them stop, but part of me is afraid it will only make them angrier.
A few days after I went to the police, I got a letter from a lawyer. It said that Carol and Rob were concerned for the welfare of their godson, Alex, and that they believed I was unfit to be his sole guardian because of emotional instability and financial irresponsibility. It said they were exploring legal options to ensure Alex’s well-being, which might include seeking visitation rights or even a change in guardianship. I felt like I was going to be sick.
Guardianship. They wanted to take Alex away from me after refusing to give even two hundred dollars a month or spend a few hours with him. Now they wanted to fight me for him using lawyers. The letter was full of lies and accusations. It twisted everything. It said my request for financial help was extortion. It said Carol’s scene at my job happened because she was distraught by my coldness. It said their visit to my apartment was a welfare check because they were so worried.
I took the letter to a legal aid clinic. A young lawyer there read it and said it was mostly threats and accusations, and that it would be very hard for them to get guardianship. Alex is an adult, and I am his legal guardian, with no actual findings against me. But she also said they could make things very difficult and expensive if they decided to pursue it. She said I needed to respond to the letter through a lawyer. The legal aid clinic can help me with that, but it will take time.
So now I am dealing with a legal threat on top of everything else. I am trying to find a lawyer who can properly represent me if it goes further. The stress is incredible. I am not sleeping much. I am worried about Alex. He is more withdrawn since Carol and Rob came to the apartment. He keeps asking if the angry lady is coming back.
My friend who first told me to be more humble has completely changed her mind now. She said they are unhinged and that I need to protect myself and Alex however I can. I feel so alone in all this. Every time I think it cannot get worse, it does.
Update four. It has been a few weeks since the lawyer’s letter from Carol and Rob. This will probably be my final update for a while because things are ongoing and very stressful. There has been no improvement. None at all.
The legal aid lawyer helped me draft a response to Carol and Rob’s lawyer. Our letter stated clearly that their accusations were false, that I was Alex’s legal guardian, and that he was well cared for. It said their harassment was causing distress to both me and Alex. It also mentioned the police report I filed after they came to my apartment and Carol’s behavior there. We stated that if they continued to harass us or make baseless legal threats, I would seek a restraining order.
We sent that letter about two weeks ago, and we have not had a formal reply from their lawyer yet. But Carol and Rob have not been quiet. Last week, Rob showed up at my evening job, the office building where I clean. He waited for me in the parking lot when I was leaving around 11:30 p.m. It was dark. I was walking to my car when he stepped out from between two parked cars. I was so scared I almost screamed.
“We need to talk without lawyers.”
“No, Rob. We have nothing to talk about. You need to leave me alone. You are not supposed to be here.”
I started walking faster toward my car. He followed me.
“You are being unreasonable. Carol is a wreck. You have done this to her. She loves Alex.”
I got to my car and quickly unlocked it.
“She has a terrible way of showing it, and you both have a terrible way of respecting my decisions and my boundaries. Stay away from me and my brother.”
As I was getting into the car, he tried to grab my arm.
“Just listen for a minute.”
I yanked my arm away.
“Get away from me.”
I jumped into the car, locked the doors, and started the engine. He banged on the window once, then stepped back as I drove off. My hands were shaking so badly I could barely steer. When I got home, I called the police again. I told them Rob had confronted me at my work in the dark and tried to grab me. They asked if I was hurt. I said no, but I was scared. They said they would log the incident, and that it added to my harassment claim. They suggested a restraining order again.
The next day, I spoke to the legal aid lawyer. She was very concerned. She said Rob’s actions were a serious escalation. She is helping me apply for a restraining order against both Carol and Rob. We have a court date next week for a temporary order. I will have to go to court and explain what has been happening. I am terrified, but I know I have to do it.
Alex knows something is very wrong. He sees how stressed I am. He has been quiet and sad a lot. He draws pictures of monsters now, which he never used to do. I try to reassure him, but I think he understands more than I realize. His speech therapist said he has been more anxious in his sessions lately.
Carol has also been trying to contact me. She has left several voicemails on my phone. I have not listened to all of them. The ones I did listen to were a mix of crying, yelling, and begging me to let her see Alex. She said I was cruel and heartless. She said my parents would never forgive me for keeping Alex from his loving godmother. She said Rob was only trying to talk sense into me and that I had overreacted by calling the police on him. It is like she has a completely different version of reality in her head.
I have blocked their numbers now, but she sometimes calls from No Caller ID, so I have to pick up in case it is work or something about Alex. As soon as I hear her voice, I hang up. My supervisor at the grocery store has been very understanding. I told her a little more about what was happening, that an old family friend was harassing me. She makes sure someone walks me to my car if I finish late.
My supervisor at the night job was less understanding. He said he did not want drama at his workplace. I am worried he might try to find a reason to fire me if Rob shows up again. There is no good way to end this update. My hope of ever getting support from them is long gone. Now my only hope is that a restraining order will make them leave us alone. But I am scared about what they might do next. Even with an order, I am just trying to keep Alex safe and keep us afloat. It is so much harder than it was before I asked them for help. That is the saddest part. Asking for help made everything a thousand times worse.
Final update. This is the last update I will be posting about this situation. It has been a few months since the original post, and about six weeks since my last update. I went to court for the temporary restraining order. I had to stand up and tell the judge everything Carol and Rob had done. The lawyer from legal aid was with me. Carol and Rob were there with their lawyer. Carol cried a lot during the hearing. Rob just looked angry.
Their lawyer tried to say I was exaggerating and that they were just concerned godparents, but I had my notes, the police incident numbers, and the letter their lawyer sent. The judge granted the temporary restraining order for me and for Alex. That means they cannot contact us, come to our home or workplaces, or be within a certain distance of us. There will be another hearing in a few months to decide whether it will be made permanent.
After the hearing, as we were leaving the courtroom, Carol shouted at me down the hallway. She called me a liar while her lawyer and Rob had to pull her away. It was another scene. Since the restraining order was put in place, they have not directly contacted me or Alex. That is a relief. But the quiet feels strange, and I am always worried they will try something indirect.
My financial situation is still very hard. Working two jobs is exhausting. Alex is aware of the tension, even though I try to hide it. He is still more anxious than he used to be. He asks about the angry people sometimes, and I just tell him they cannot bother us anymore and that he is safe. I hope that is true.
Thank you to everyone who offered support and advice in the comments on my previous posts. I appreciate it more than you know. I will not be updating further. I need to focus on moving forward, whatever that looks like.
